Ok, let me tell you about some things I am passionate about: parenting to the best of my ability, feminism, building people up instead of tearing them down, loving my partner well, and creating positive opportunities for people. I want Ruby to be a strong minded, confident woman, who doesn't look to others for cues on her appearance or self esteem. We are conscious of telling Ruby equally how smart and funny, as well as beautiful she is. I want to lead by example, which is the hardest - when raised by critical female role models - I want better for her. I want better for myself and it's a constant ongoing process of change and growth.
So I have been reading with great interest and concern the different responses to Miranda Kerr's personal birth announcement. Women who are tearing a new mother down, saying she's not all that, that she is smug, competitive and judgemental. Um, so what you are saying about her ISN'T judgemental and a little mean spirited? I think people forget that when a woman gives birth people are pushing for the following information:
3. how the birth was
4. and if you are close/or they are intrusive, questions about tearing, stitches and breastfeeding.
You know what, I saw a beautiful picture of a new mother (could have been any woman) and it made me all gooey and teary. She was proud of giving birth and her beautiful son, but what new mother ISN'T proud after having a child, whether it be through their vagina, or through a c-section? A woman doesn't go through 9 months of preparation and then go "yeah, I went to the hospital and they pulled this THING out of me, lord knows what I am going to do with it, certainly doesn't match our interior design choices". Nearly every new mother is proud of the new life they have created, exhausted, joyful and in the process of falling madly in love with this new person.
Ok, so I posted the other day about preparing (mentally and physically) for an unmedicated birth. I had one with Ruby, and I want to create the same opportunity for this new unborn babe. For me, it's the right choice but a part of it is also that I am TERRIFIED of having a needle in my spine - that frightens me more than the pain of childbirth. I have these (possibly irrational) fears of being the 1 in a 1,000,000 that ends up paralysed or with a long lasting spinal headache. Also with having a 2 year old, I want to be back on my feet as soon as possible after having a baby and ready to get into the challenge of parenting 2 children.
Can I also tell you - I really don't mind how you give birth and I don't need your approval or judgement on my choices. I wrote about it the other day because it was on my mind and it's something that is going on in my life at the moment, in the same vein of everything I write about. What I do VERY much care about is that you and I are well, healthy and with a beautiful healthy and happy baby at the end of our pregnancies This is the goal for every new mother and it really doesn't matter what path you take to get there - make the right choice for you and support other women who have made the right decision for them.
Man, is this topic a minefield.
My point is can we ladies please be a little nicer to each other? Support another woman's decisions and get on each other's cheer team? Look at a picture and see an ecstatic new mother in an intimate moment with her partner and new baby and see the joy in it, not the way it makes us feel with all our baggage and bullshit. We need a little more happy in the world, so let's all individually bring it.
Meanwhile, as I am writing this, Ruby has been having a major tantrum on the floor because she wants raspberry yoghurt and we only have raspberry and strawberry combined. Seriously, I am going to have another??